Event Report, I-Con Saturday
April 20th, 2002
by Gonzai
So anyway, after 5am, I didn’t sleep. I did observe that Jennie and Alison both snore, and that Dij talks in her sleep. Jennie woke up at 6:44, which was notable because she’d said she never sleeps past 6:45. I figured since I was up anyway I might as well avail myself of the exercise room. They had some pretty good equipment in there, which I forgot I hadn’t used in a few months (I have bike at home now) and put myself on a program a little bit more strenuous than I should have. Ow. On my way back to the room I found Jennie crashed on the couch in the lobby. We debated getting breakfast at the hotel and determined it to be too expensive (I thought they had a continental, but no.) Jennie had promised to give ShelaghC & Emma a ride to the con early so they could register, and I needed to be there to work, so we got ourselves together and headed out to Stony Brook.
Finding Stony Brook was not a problem. Finding parking was. Jennie gave up and chucked us out on the sidewalk in front of the Sports Complex. I went to the volunteer table, where they had none of the necessary paperwork and no one really seemed to know what was going on. Before the day was out, I would hear at least 3 (usually more) different stories each on how my schedule would be made, how my work would be verified, whether I had to pay for food, and whether I could get autographs. The con was poorly organized and the primary losers were the volunteers. The only really good thing about volunteering was that although the gopher t-shirt was an ungodly shade of orange (I looked like I played for the 1970s Baltimore Orioles, and yes Stewart, it clashes with your shirt), the guy who gave it to me looked me over and said, “So, you need what, a medium?” Could have kissed his feet J Oh yes, and they let me sign up as a gopher for Billy’s second Q&A session, which I thought was great. At the time. It would become a sticking point for the weekend.
I spent the next 90 minutes helping Melissa staple badges together (badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!) and meeting many of the loons from the night before. I left at 11 to go to the Cyberbar and meet up with the loons, just in time to discover Jennie had abandoned her post at the official wee scarvie and badge table. I manned it until she came back. It was pretty hot in there, but we had a good time nonetheless, especially when Yui & Rayvuh showed up as Ringwraiths and attacked Stef, who was a girl hobbit. They tried to recreate the scene from Weathertop but it fell apart when Stef couldn’t stop laughing. At noon I had to return to the volunteer desk, where I resumed stapling badges together. Except for having to work with a brain-dead assistant this time out, the badge-stapling was the only tolerable assignment I had as a volunteer.
I was kept late, and so had to rush to Billy’s first Q&A session. I stopped first at the women’s room, and when I came out the door and hallway were blocked by stormtroopers. Sheesh. I squeezed my way out without ever noticing that the troopers were flanking Billy. Whoops. Raced into the auditorium & plunked myself into the seat Dij & Alison had saved for me. We were treated to Billy’s stormtrooper-aided entrance, then the session itself, which was quite a good time…for us, anyway. Many loons were able to ask Billy questions and give him gifts, and I tried to get in line to do the same but the line had been cut off, so I settled for taping the session on a micro-recorder. After a while I wandered to the back to regroup with the Marylanders, who were meeting Stewart for the first time. I didn’t actually get to speak to him then.
I had decided to ask the Q&A coordinator if I could ask Billy a question the next day even though I was a gopher. What I didn’t know was that the aforementioned coordinator, Mary, was spectacularly p***ed about the session, specifically the gifting and hugging and other showers of affection from the loons. She took one look at my Fellowship of the Wee Scarvie badge and proceeded to ream me out for every perceived problem in the session. She told me she didn’t want ‘people like you’ working for her the next day, and that no one would be allowed anywhere near Billy. All I did was say, “May I ask Billy a question tomorrow?” Anyway, I was close to tears after that, I hadn’t done anything to deserve this and to top it all off the next Q&A guest was standing there and hearing the whole thing. And then I went back to the volunteer desk for my next assignment, which turned out to be across campus but no one actually knew how to get there, and by now it was raining. So I arrived at my next assignment soaking wet and miserable.
That session turned out not to need a gopher and it ended early, so I took an hour and went to the dealer’s room. Jason Carter was down there, and since he was going to be the guest bad guy on Angel the following Monday, I wanted his autograph. Yui was also there, and we took photos of each other with Jason. BTW, Jason is insane. And hyper. He cracked me up completely, and he was the only enjoyable thing that happened to me all afternoon. I barely had time to check out the rest of the dealers room, and settled for the button stand. I bought a lot of buttons. I found one that I knew I had to get for Billy: “I am Homer Simpson of the Borg. Prepare to be assim-DONUTS!” But then I figured I should get one for Stewart too, and eventually selected “OK, this has been a little TOO educational.”
By now the line for Billy’s autograph had gone completely around the gymnasium and people were now lining up in the hallway that led to the banquet hall. I had asked earlier about getting Billy’s autograph, but was told that volunteers had to wait until after the session started, had to get in the back of the line, and weren’t guaranteed an autograph. Since the line was already spectacularly long, it was obvious to me there was no point even trying it and I offered to work through the session. (Apparently, volunteers were subject to the same autograph rules as everyone else and if I had lined up with the loons I could have met Billy Saturday, but of course I wouldn’t learn this until the next day.) I was promptly assigned to guard the banquet hall, and make sure anyone lining up there for Billy’s autograph stayed put until told otherwise. Of course, no one was actually there, so I wound up standing there for 2 hours, alone, and nothing to do but think about how much my feet hurt (a lot) and how much I wanted to be upstairs with the loons. It turned out too, that there were 8 people waiting to work at the volunteer desk during that time, and I was the only one ‘doing’ anything. I would much rather have been sitting and working on my latest drawing and mostly sitting than guarding an empty hallway.
At 7 I left and began the hike to the lecture hall for the Actor’s Studio. I was fortunate enough to grab a seat in the third row, next to Stef & Pluisje who were discussing accents. It was at this point that I discovered I couldn’t find my blank microtapes. The only tapes I had were the one with Billy’s Q&A, and my diary tape. I must have left the tapes at the hotel, and the school store was now closed. Really getting frustrated now, I skipped taping the panel until Billy showed up, and then I taped over first my diary and then the Q&A. I’m not sure what was worse, losing what I’d already taped or not taping the first half hour. Only Andreas Katsulas & Myriam Sirois showed up on time for the panel, so they sicced Andreas on us. He turned out to be incredibly funny. “Excuse me sir, but…are you wearing a codpiece?” And of course the Mary Beth incident. She asked Andreas who he was. He needled her the rest of the night. We were then told that Billy was on his way over, that Brian Downey & Herb Jefferson would be here any minute, and that Richard Biggs & Jason Carter were stuck in traffic. Andreas scoffed at the last part, and instructed the audience to heartily boo Richard & Jason whenever they finally showed up.
Billy’s arrival brought the place to a standstill, naturally, and he, Downey & Jefferson went on stage with the moderator and settled in. Unfortunately Billy picked the spot furthest from where I was sitting, plus there was big pink pitcher of water between me and him. So much for photos. But all the panelists were entertaining, and we were having a pretty good time, when Carter & Biggs showed up. And we booed them. Lustily. They responded by giving the audience rude gestures, then sitting in the corner like the bad little boys they were. Then the panel really started getting wild, and we were spending more time laughing than listening. Billy needed prodding from the moderator to answer most of the time, so the Babylon 5 actors took over. Myriam Sirois started talking about how adorable Billy was, and the next thing I knew Jennie was tossing a wee scarvie at Myriam. I was close enough to hear her ask, “what is this?” and Billy answered, “it’s a wee scarvie, you tie it on” which he said in a ‘doesn’t everybody know that?’ kind of way! She tied it to her finger, and then Jason started suggesting that Billy & Myriam should sit together…it was a hoot.
After the panel I reconvened with the Marylanders, and was told that the loons were to report to the Cyberbar for further instructions from Stewart. But then a bunch of people pushed between me & the others, and I wound up outside with Jennie & Emma. Jennie’s husband called her to sing to Tibby, so she waved me on to the Cyberbar. Neither I nor Emma were really clear on how to get there and we got lost a few times but eventually made it over there. Turns out that after I was separated from Alison & Dij, Billy & Stewart turned up and offered them gum. Everybody gets Billy time except me. Not happy. I decided to ditch the ugly orange shirt, and when I came back in more appropriate clothes Stewart had stopped by to tell us Billy had to go to the official hotel and judge a Masquerade Party, so that’s where they were going. I still hadn’t met Stewart at that point, so I sort of introduced myself with, ‘Hi, I’m having a crappy day, I want to give you this button I got for you before my day gets worse.’ Yeah, that’s the way to meet somebody. Stewart was a bit stumped on how to answer that one. But he took the button, and asked if I wanted him to give Billy his button, and I figured at the rate I was going that was the only way Billy ever would get it, so I gave it to Stewart.
So then on the way back to the hotel, Jennie’s cell phone rang (it was on the back seat) and when I tried to get it for her, I partially dislocated my left shoulder. This happens more often than I’d like, a couple times a month, but now was a really bad time for it. I was able to pop it back in, but pain doesn’t really begin to cover the situation. Jennie wanted to bring the cooler of beer she had brought back to the room, and I couldn’t help out, so we commandeered a luggage cart. I opened the room door for Jennie and went in the room, when I heard Jennie yell to someone. Guess what? She was yelling to Billy and Stewart, who stepped into the hallway the same moment I stepped out of it. Ever more frustrated, I took a lot of pain pills, which further affected my mood, and I’d have been happy to stay in the room the rest of the night, but Jennie wanted to check the bar and see if Stewart & Billy had gone there. When we got to the bar, the loons present said Billy & Stewart had come in just long enough to collect a few beers, and left. Since I don’t drink, I had no purpose in being in the bar. And I was by now a completely exhausted, pained, distraught and generally-feeling-very-left-out loon, and despite Alison’s best efforts, I decided to spend the rest of the night in the room.
Walking down the hall to our room, who should I encounter but…you got it…Billy & Stewart. Now, I have met hundred of professional athletes and other persons of celebrity, and it has long since ceased to faze me. I was perfectly fine with Viggo and Jason Carter. But when I saw Billy & Stewart, I actually panicked. I think (hope) it was a function of being exhausted, pained and overwrought, but I couldn’t think or speak and all I could come up with was some lame thing about Jennie having a cooler ready if they wanted to come by. Stewart said they’d think about it, Billy thanked me for the offer and they kept going. I staggered back to the room and told Jennie. She decided we were going back to the bar, so I grabbed my camera and followed. I never even thought of grabbing my group’s fanbook or the Pop-Tarts for Stewart.
When I got to the lobby, Stewart was standing in the seating area waiting for a con staffer to tell him what happens next, and Billy was sacked out on the sofa. Pretty much sunk all the way into it, just hands and feet sticking out. Jennie was standing near Billy and asking Stewart what their plans were for tomorrow. I hid behind Jennie and occasionally sneaked a peek at Billy, who by now had to be wondering what the heck my damage was but he was too beat to ask. He looked like raising his head was too much to ask of him just then. Stewart described himself as ‘wrecked’ and ‘shattered’ and declared that it had been an incredibly long day and they both just wanted to go to their hotel and sleep, but they had to wait for the con people to tell them they were clear to go. Billy claimed he was fine but he looked to be 10 minutes behind Stewart in the ‘wrecked’ category, not unlike me.
Finally I managed to say something really lame to Billy along the lines of ‘I’m supposed to be your gopher tomorrow’ and added that I might withdraw from the assignment because the coordinator was mean to me. Jennie told Billy what the coordinator had said, and that no one would be allowed to give him a gift or a hug the next day. Billy was not thrilled. Stewart expressed solidarity with me regarding the coordinator (yes, I was surprised) and then we all decided to try awkward silence. Finally it occurred to me I hadn’t brought the fanbook, so I added another lame comment about having a book for him back in the room, with a full sized version of the electric blue Pippin (we had already given him a name tag with a mini EBP on it), and that got Billy’s attention. Jennie suggested I go get the book now, so I did.
When I came back, some boys aged 8-10ish had figured out who the guy on the sofa was, and their interest had perked Billy up enough that he had gotten up and signed a few autographs for them. When he was done with them, I gave him the fanbook, briefly explained that it was made up of artwork and letters from people on a Yahoo! Group for artists, and we hoped he’d like it. Oh yeah, and could I get a picture with him and the book? Billy was game for that, so I gave Jennie the camera, Billy held up the book and put an arm around me, which might have freaked me out except that I was trying to put my left arm around him, and it wasn’t working out well because my shoulder hurt so much I couldn’t raise my arm enough. I settled for not putting my hand on his rear end, about the only non-embarrassing thing I managed all night, and Jennie took the picture.
Then Billy asked if we’d gone to see Viggo the day before, and I said yes, and he told me to do something to you (I didn’t specify; see my Friday diary for what Viggo asked me to do). The look on Billy’s face was pretty good! I added that the only way I could ever do what Viggo asked would be if I had tremendous amounts of liquid courage first, and since I didn’t drink it would be a long time before I was brave enough to do it. Billy said, “Knowing Viggo, that’s probably best for all of us”, and I agreed, noting that “when the words ‘king’ and ‘slave’ became involved, well…”. Billy said that definitely sounded like Viggo, and then he and Stewart left (while this was going on, Stewart finally got the all clear from the con people.)
Jennie & I just sort of stood there wondering what the heck had just happened when some more loons came by, and we told them that Billy & Stewart had just left. One of the loons was Cheese, who decided to greet me by grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. You can guess how well that went. Best word for that pain: blinding. I thought my knees were going to quit. The others decided I should go back to the room and sit down, and Jennie decided that since Stewart wasn’t going to drink with us, the other loons should, and we invited everyone in the bar back to our room. We wound up with about 15 people in our room, where everyone tanked up on Jennie’s booze stash except me – I got into Cheese’s Vernor’s ginger ale, accepted innumerable apologies from her, and generally sat in a corner watching everyone else.
The room party went pretty well until we starting singing the Bottle Song – and security showed up to inform us we were too loud, couldn’t have more than 4 people sleeping in a room (like we’re sleeping), everyone out, etc. I’ve never been busted before. Most of the people left, although Cheese, Julio & Nessie hung around for another hour while we developed equivalency charts for American, British and Australian English. Then they left too, and the Maryland Contingent went to bed…sort of. We spent another hour talking in the dark. Finally we went to sleep around 4am.
©copyright 2000 Gonzai